Chapter Five of Astride by Christine Leov Lealand
?Are you at home about 3.30?? asked Lynne.
?Yes, I think so, unless I get held up at school with Sara. Do you want to come round for coffee? I haven?t seen you for ages.?
?That was what I was thinking about ? I have the afternoon off work today and I?ve got this amazing thing to tell you!? Anne smiled. Lynne was such a dreamer, almost as bad as she was.
?See you later then darling,? Anne hung up the phone. What new woman would Lynne have fallen in love with at the supermarket checkout? Or would she have seen long female legs at hockey practice and fallen in lust as she did at least once a week? Well she?d find out later, Lynne couldn?t keep a secret about her love-life for more than five minutes.
?Hey! Look at this one!? Tina had a newspaper draped across her knee. She was making a flying lunchtime visit to Anne?s cottage since she had been selling a property in that area. Her fingers moved down the columns of Matchless Love. ? ?Financially secure 35-year-old executive with great sense of humour. Six feet tall, blond, blue-eyed, easy on the eye? ? read ?vain? ? ?seeks to share life?s adventures with fun-loving lady who enjoys romance, dining out, tramping and water sports.? That could be you ? eh??
?Aw ? nah. I don?t really want an executive. They work too hard and anyway, he doesn?t say anything about kids. I bet he isn?t interested in kids.? Anne felt negative about ads in newspapers. ?Who has ever met anyone compatible through a newspaper ad? Tell me that?? she scrubbed the kitchen stove fiercely.
?Aw ? I know at least one happy couple who got married a few months after they met through an ad. And - there?s that dinner party for six thingy. You could book in for that. I know people who have done that a few times and met someone really great.?
?Yeah ? but it all comes down to money. Always bloody money. I don?t have enough money to buy petrol and keep the car going let alone to pay to go out to dinner with a bunch of people I don?t know at all.?
?God! You?re impossible ? you know that? I don?t know why I am wasting my time with you!? Tina exclaimed, looking down at the paper again. ?Hey ? listen to this one then: ?Gorgeous male. Free to a good home. Will require training with a good reward system. Lies like a trooper, the worse for wear but loveable.? Now he sounds like a challenge!?
Anne put down the iron and wiped her forehead with a hot hand. She sighed. ?I have enough challenges in my life with two kids. What would I want to give a stray liar a home for? If I want to have another kid who needs rewards and punishments, I?ll get pregnant!?
?Yeah, I suppose you are right,? conceded Tina, looking down the columns. She giggled.?What about this one then? ?Arrest me! My crime ? 6'2" policeman, outgoing, sporty, charged with wicked sense of humour. Presently in solitary confinement. Seeks bail from spunky woman who likes sports, gym, dining out, social drinking. For friendship, poss relationship.?? Now I have no objections to going out with a policeman ? what about you? That is such a cute ad! I feel like replying to it myself.?
?Well go ahead then.? Anne was unimpressed. ?I don?t want a guy who has the weird hours and stresses that policemen get. My life is full enough of stress as it is with two kids, without having my man out all hours and on call other times. Anyhow, I?m not like you, I?m not into gym and tramping. The last time, the only time I went tramping, was when I was at a school camp and it nearly killed me. I hated it, being forced to almost run for twelve miles of solid bush and freezing scree-covered mountain is not my idea of fun.? she pouted. ?Forget it, Tina. Find some other way to introduce me to men, please.?
Lynne arrived soon after Anne got home from school with Sara and Jamie. Anne made them all pikelets while Lynne sat at the kitchen table and talked, sipping a dry white wine she had brought to share with Anne. ?Oh Nadia was soooo gorgeous, Anne. You are too straight to see women as attractive, I know, but really! She was fantastic, a butch-looking blonde lawyer. Probably het too - more?s the pity.? She sighed despondently. ?I desperately need a woman in my life, Anne. It?s been too long since Ros and I split up. Mind you, I?m also incredibly horny today because I had this amazing sexual dream last night ? wanna hear it??
Anne grinned, looked at Lynne and sipped her wine. Did she have the option of saying no? Not really, Lynne would tell her anyhow. She dropped spoonfuls of pikelet mix into the frying pan and buttered the cooked hot pikelets, putting them on a big plate piled high and steaming in the centre of the table. Jamie was munching on two pikelets, one gripped squidgily in each fist, dripping strawberry jam all over himself and the floor.
?Surprise me,? said Anne as she took a hot buttery pikelet and bit into it, savouring the sweet and salty soft texture of the hot cake.
?I dreamed that I was part of this experimental group of anthropologists who all specialised in monkey behaviour. We were locked up in a building complex supplied with vegetarian food and basic toilet and washing facilities. A bit like those weirdo made-on-the-cheap TV programmes that give the big prize to the one who goes nuts in the empty room or on the desert island last. Lots of warm carpeted rooms, exercise spaces, no clothes on any of us. There were about 27 women and 19 men, of all ages, plus a couple of breast-feeding mothers and babies.
?We were experimenting with living in a group like chimps or bonobo monkeys. Trying out what their lifestyle is like: gathering food, having sex, being social all the time, not just some of the time like we are. Ignoring all the social and work taboos that have us in a straightjacket every day. Trying to use the social structures that have been observed in various species of monkeys and seeing if we humans could use them too.
?Some of the men were bored, of course. Couldn?t cope with the social lifestyle, they missed their machines and sports and their other things to play with. But we just noted their responses and kept on playing and talking and preening each other. It was a marvellously intimate experience, you know? That was the main feeling of the dream, a deep warm intimacy and sharing. Being human together using an ancient formula which we haven?t altogether forgotten.
?I felt so close to the women. Of course we all began menstruating and ovulating together but the best thing was -? the men were only allowed to have sex with us when we were ovulating! You have no idea how freeing that is, to know you can have sex with whoever you wanted only on about three or four days a month. Those poor guys, how tired they were! They needed a good long rest when we?d finished with them!? Anne looked at her friend with her eyebrows raised. She hadn?t expected Lynne, a lesbian most of her life, to admit to the possibility that men could feature usefully in a woman?s sex life.
?Yeah, yeah, I know, this was a dream remember, not reality and the main thrill of my dream was when we women got together spontaneously, without any discussion - and masturbated. All in a big circle, opening up our lovely frilly or tulip-shaped cunts and stimulating ourselves as a group. Breasts and thighs rubbing together, sighs and moans of pleasure. Lots of cuddles and kisses and long, slow, teasing touches. Oh it was so intimate, so yummy and sexy!
?The men gathered together and watched us, their cocks all erect and unashamed. We women ignored them, we were too busy watching each other, as, whispering, giggling, touching, each of us orgasmed. It was a wild space, with the women?s orgasms happening at different times, in so many different ways. I loved the feeling of closeness, of community that we achieved together as women.
?I had this special partner, she was a luscious tall blonde. We had such strong gorgeous erotic times together as part of that group. Sometimes we?d tribade, you know, rub our aroused wet slippery cunts together, our mouths meeting and our nipples rubbing across the other?s nipples?rubbing and rubbing, sometimes hard, other times soft and gentle . . . ohhhh . . .? She sighed and wriggled in her seat. ?I haven?t had a wet dream like that in ever so long. It was so powerful I came in the middle of it.?
Lynne laughed, delighted with herself. ?Those apes have a really lovely time, you know. The females play with their clits a lot and no one hassles them about it. It?s just a part of being alive for them, making their own pleasure and feeling free to do it. A bit like men and how they play with themselves.? Lynne went to her bag and drew out a small cloth bundle.
?You must be getting pretty frustrated Anne, after all this time with no sex.? She sounded concerned ?What about a woman in your life? There?s plenty around who could give you a good time.?
Anne laughed at her. ?Oh come on, Lynne! How long have we been friends? Ten years or so? If I was a lesbian or bi - well you?d know it by now, surely! I won?t rule out the possibility of a woman in my life altogether. The idea of having someone who could cook and help with the dishes and the kids sounds like heaven on a stick. But really, it?s not going to happen. You and Tina are always trying to get me set up with someone!
?You?re as bad as mum, Michelle and Kate when it comes to trying to find me a partner. Everyone seems to think I need someone, and their responsibility is to find that person for me.
?Hell! ? I?m still recovering from Joe and what he did to me. I?m probably a liability instead of an asset to anyone just at the moment. And Tina! She?s the worst of the lot, she even brought a paper around today and read out dozens of ads from lonely men looking for relationships!?
?Did she really?? Lynne was laughing.
?Yes!? Anne was attempting grumpiness. ?I really don?t know how to have a successful relationship. I really have no idea what to do or where to start.? She poured the herb tea into cups and looked at Lynne seriously, dissolving almost into tears. ?I met Joe and spent eight years with him. I haven?t had any other boyfriends - ever. If other men aren?t abusive like him it will be a welcome relief to me, but since I?ve never had a relationship with anyone else it?s really hard for me to visualise myself having anything different from what I got from Joe and I can tell you now ? that?s a really big stumbling-block for me. There is no way I want another abusive relationship.?
Lynne reached out and touched Anne?s hand gently, soothingly. ?I?ve had the same problems, you know,? she said softly. ?When I came out, first of all I had no idea how to have a relationship with a woman. What it would be like, who would do the dishes, make the bed, fold the washing. Sharing the work was a huge headache ? hell it was all a totally new ball-game and I can only tell you one thing?? she paused, looked at Anne, and smiled. Anne smiled weakly back.
?What??
?That any relationship is a blank book. Until you start into it and find out just who fits what role and when and ? it changes all the time. Nothing is set in concrete any more.
?Once upon a time roles may have been fixed but now? well who knows? There are women who behave like men; they ride huge motorcycles and insist on mowing the lawns or fixing the car. Then there are men who manicure their nails and visit the beautician more often than you or I would, ever. They wax their legs and do the ironing without being asked. How can you make any assumptions when faced with all this flexibility among us??
Anne frowned and then smiled. ?I . . I suppose you are right. I hadn?t thought about it that way before. I feel like a 25-year-old virgin, really. I?m just so aware I have no experience of a healthy relationship and I?m scared I won?t even be able to recognise one even if I had it!?
?We?re all in the same boat there, Anne. You don?t know until you know. End of story. It?s like when a couple meet and marry three weeks later. Some couples who do that end up married forever ? success stories if you like. If that really is how you measure success; and others split after varying lengths of time but ? does that make those relationships failures?
?Length of time together means nothing except that you have learnt some more things, travelled down a path in life. No one can tell us if the person we meet tomorrow and fall in love with, is the right one who will give us the other half of a life-long partnership. And ? hell! I have to ask myself ? do I really want the ?unto death do us part? thing??
Anne laughed and scrubbed her hands over her face. ?Yes, I know what you mean. I don?t know about that any more either. I don?t think I want marriage again, at least not for a long time. Marriage has been tainted for me by what happened with Joe and I?d have to be really super-sure the same thing wasn?t going to repeat on me before I looked at committing to a long-term relationship with anyone, no matter how much I loved them.?
?Well marriage has always been tainted for me, and I?ve never been married!? Lynne laughed and stood up. ?Come on, let?s read your tarot cards, I bet they?ll say you will meet a tall dark stranger and live happily ever after? . . Not!? ?OK,? said Anne, laughing too. ?Then we?ll take the kids for a walk down to the river before dinner.?Source: http://christineleovlealand-author.blogspot.com/2012/03/matchless-love-relationships-in-wanted.html
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